First Meeting with Grant!

Our first meeting with Grant went really well!  We really got to see his personality and he is not shy at all!  He is very outgoing and social and loves to play as you can see from the pictures.  One of the first things his foster mother told us is that he prefers men over women so I wouldn't be too upset as he immediately started playing with Cody.  I found out the foster mom's sons are ages 18 and 16, so with them and her husband I think he is just really used to being around older guys and having fun with them.  There were a few times in the beginning of the meeting where the foster mom encouraged him to give or play something with me and he snubbed me which hurts but this is one of the things our agency and the books prepares us for (preferring one parent over the other at first).  He made some serious eye contact with me during these moments and you could tell he was thinking of all the pictures of me he has seen the past 18 months and ran back to his foster mom.  As the meeting went on he did warm up to me especially when I was blowing bubbles at him and helping him climb up the slide.  So we definitely left on a high note in that respect as we shared some laughs together and Cody and I both got hugs goodbye.  Developmentally, he seems to be doing awesome.  Just from our experience with the developmental specialist check-ups we did with Auden we could tell Grant's development was great and he seemed like a really smart kid in the short hour we spent with him.  He doesn't stop moving, was imitating several of Auden's actions (for better or worse!), loved doing pretend play in the kitchen and was even tried to say the sound I was making for the word "bubbles" twice. 

Now to the "bad" part.  Our sweet, sensitive, usually pretty well-behaved Auden did not play very well with Grant at all (despite how the pictures look).  It was obvious he saw the attention going towards Grant and didn't like it so he was actively making some bad decisions to get the attention back on him.  For example, we brought all these cool wind-up toys and when we were showing them to Grant, Auden would come in and just kick the toy away so Grant couldn't play with it anymore.  Very unlike Auden!  And then of course Grant imitated his behavior because I think he started to think it was funny.  Things Grant was playing with Auden wanted to play with too and was having a hard time sharing.  Again, very unlike Auden.  And then the icing on the cake was at the very end when it was time to go.  Auden wanted to give Grant a hug goodbye but Grant was already in the process of shutting the door (he loves to shut all doors like most 2 yr. olds).  So Auden got a small hit on the head with the door and took it very personally that Grant didn't want a hug and shut the door on him when really it was just an accident.  He did end up giving him a hug when he was in his foster mom's arms, I lifted him up for one, but he still left the meeting on an upset and crying note. 

I know his behavior sounds probably so typical for this situation despite all the preparation we did with him but we were still disappointed.  It was hard to see him act in such a jealous, attention-getting way.  Several of my adoption friends that already have an older child said typically the adoption is a harder adjustment on them than the actual child being adopted but I guess we were hoping Auden would be different.  But I don't think so.  Hopefully a lot had to do with utter lack of sleep, jet lag, being hot (the room was so stuffy and warm) but we definitely have to realize this is probably going to be a lot harder than we thought it would be for him.  He has been the center of our universe for so long that I'm sure it's hard for him to see us give our love to another child no matter how much he is prepared for it.  All we can do is keep reassuring him that there is enough love for the both of them.  In the long run, we know this will be good for him to have to share the spotlight, but in the short term, we are going to have to brace ourselves for the first few months. 

Here are some pictures of our little cutie!

 

 

Our first family picture!  This one went to the Judge (they need proof you met your child already).  As good as a picture could be for two little boys that don't want to stop playing for a picture!