Home Study Complete!

Our last meeting with the social worker was this morning!  This was the only meeting that took place in our home.  She met Auden, did a quick tour of the place, asked about the community in which we live, and then we discussed any questions we still had.  Auden was well behaved for the visit, in part due to feeling under the weather, so he was shy and sat quietly on our laps (quite rare for our little guy, ha). 

Over the next few days she will speak to our references and then she expects to give her approval by the end of the week which begins the official wait!  I can't believe the home study took less than 30 days for us...thankfully due to our flexible schedules (and our social worker’s availability) we were able to move it along quickly.  If you recall I originally said I hoped to have it finished by the end of the summer, so we are two months ahead of my arbitrary schedule, ha.  This is definitely a good thing since the wait times are lengthening in Korea. 

Hopefully, by the end of the week I can tell you that we received approval!

Two down, one more to go

We were definitely less nervous for our second meeting with the social worker since the first one went so smoothly.  For this meeting she spent the first half of the meeting asking about our families, childhood and aspirations for our own children.  The second half of the meeting was spent discussing transracial/transcultural parenting. 

We discussed how many of the articles we read (our “homework”) written by adult adoptees were a bit discouraging to us because it seemed like no matter what the parents do the child will still have major self identity issues/struggles.  Our social worker explained that this may be true but by giving them the right foundation and the right tools to cope, the difference lies in how well and how quickly they can get through these moments in their life.  Will it just be a little bump in the road or a big bump that they are not able to pull themselves out of?  It is all about the foundation and groundwork we lay….how we talk about adoption and how she became our daughter as well as how we discuss, teach, and expose her to her Korean heritage.  The responsibility of it all…to create the best environment we possibly can for our little girl to grow up full of pride and confidence in who she is and her place in our family….is both scary and very exciting at the same time.

We strongly encourage close family and friends to take a look at some short articles (over the next year).  Since you will very much apart of our daughter’s life, Cody and I believe it is important for you to educate yourselves regarding correct terminology when discussing adoption as well as being aware of feelings our daughter may have growing up (and could potentially talk to you about). 

http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=195

http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=1215

http://www.adoptivefamilies.com/articles.php?aid=1758

http://www.nacac.org/postadopt/transracial_identity.html

http://a4everfamily.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=229&Itemid=108

I recently found a blog written by a mother of two adopted Korean boys and an African American girl, she is such a beautiful writer and I thought this post about transracial parenting was just lovely:  http://flowerpatchfarmgirl.blogspot.com/2010/12/big-adoption-series-chapter-19.html 

One of the most interesting things the social worker brought up at our meeting is to think about Auden’s culture.  We are going to be so focused on learning about Korean culture for our daughter it will make Auden think he doesn’t have a “culture.”  The problem is, like many Caucasians living in America, we don’t really subscribe to any one culture and therefore almost have a feeling of a lack of culture.  Despite Auden having a very Hispanic last name, and his mother having a very Irish maiden name, he comes from so much more than these two backgrounds…as he is also…Danish, German, Italian, Czech…and probably one or two others I’m forgetting right now.  Cody and I agreed that despite intercultural/interracial marriages and families being such a wonderful thing in today’s society it is quite a shame that what comes with it sometimes is a sense of loss of culture.  So don’t be surprised if Cody and I start honoring some old Danish, Italian, Czech, etc. traditionsJ

We will likely be scheduling our third and final visit with the social worker by the end of the month…stay tuned!    

One down, two more to go

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Overall, I would have to say the first interview with the social worker went very well (although I have nothing to compare it to, ha).  It started out somewhat humorously when Cody politely told me in the car ride to the meeting to make sure I didn't interrupt him when he was talking and hijack his stories.  I will admit I have a habit to do this, but in my defense it only happens when Cody takes a several second pause which makes me feel the need to interject to fill what I consider very awkward silence.  I am happy to report that I only interrupted once when Cody was talking and this he greatly appreciated because I gave him a word he was searching for.  In fact, I even let Cody do most of the talking which I'm sure the social worker was probably not used to, as I can imagine typically the wife does most of the talking (maybe we even got some points for it, haha).  

The questions she asked us were actually fun because it was like a trip down memory lane.  How we met, our memorable dates, our time abroad, our wedding, up to last year with the pregnancy and birth of Auden.  Other questions included how we communicate with each other, show our appreciation/affection to each other and our strengths/weaknesses.  Basically, good questions that any married couple should think about time to time, especially before they make the decision to have a child.

The only downside about the interview was the information we received regarding the Korea program.  Unfortunately due to the Korea government reducing the quota for the number of children that can leave the country in a given year it is creating a longer wait time to travel to go get your child than in years previous.  Which means, instead of going to get our daughter when she is 15-16 months like we originally thought; now she is going to be almost 20 months old when we can go get her.  This is a big bummer to me...it just makes me so sad to know she will have to be in foster care until she is 20 months old because of an arbitrary quota the Korean government set.  We will be matched with her when she is 6 months old, so that is 14 months of knowing who our daughter is but not being able to get her.  Some might say- we knew what we were getting into when we signed up for this, but that doesn't make it any easier.  Cody likes to look at the bright side...more time we can stay in our current house and save up for an ever better house for when she gets here, which is definitely a bonus. 

So, what's next?  Our second meeting with the social worker will be this Friday, June 10th.  She gave us some "homework," specifically articles to read about transracial parenting so I'm guessing that will be the major topic of our second meeting with her.  The third and final visit, hopefully by the end of the month, is the visit that will take place in our home and when she will meet Auden.  Soon after that, upon her approval, we officially are on the waiting list to be matched with a baby girl.  The wait to be matched is anywhere from 1-8 months.  Since we are waiting for a girl (which there are less of) and we are being pretty conservative as far as medical conditions go that we are open to, we estimate that our wait time will be towards the end of the range...probably 8 months.  Crazy to think that by February we will most likely have a profile and picture of our little girl (6 months old at time).  Then the harder wait begins...14 months until we can travel to go get her.  Thank God we have a little monkey to keep us busy in the meantime!

First Interview is Scheduled

Our first interview with the social worker is on Friday...as in two days from now!  We will be going into the agency for this meeting (not sure I like the word "interview") and then I believe the next two meetings will be at our home.  So luckily we don't have to go cleaning crazy just yet:-)  I can't speak for Cody but I'm a little nervous as I'm not sure how she is going to ask us enough questions to fill a two hour period of time.  We'll see soon enough!