We were definitely less nervous for our second meeting with the social worker since the first one went so smoothly. For this meeting she spent the first half of the meeting asking about our families, childhood and aspirations for our own children. The second half of the meeting was spent discussing transracial/transcultural parenting.
We discussed how many of the articles we read (our “homework”) written by adult adoptees were a bit discouraging to us because it seemed like no matter what the parents do the child will still have major self identity issues/struggles. Our social worker explained that this may be true but by giving them the right foundation and the right tools to cope, the difference lies in how well and how quickly they can get through these moments in their life. Will it just be a little bump in the road or a big bump that they are not able to pull themselves out of? It is all about the foundation and groundwork we lay….how we talk about adoption and how she became our daughter as well as how we discuss, teach, and expose her to her Korean heritage. The responsibility of it all…to create the best environment we possibly can for our little girl to grow up full of pride and confidence in who she is and her place in our family….is both scary and very exciting at the same time.
We strongly encourage close family and friends to take a look at some short articles (over the next year). Since you will very much apart of our daughter’s life, Cody and I believe it is important for you to educate yourselves regarding correct terminology when discussing adoption as well as being aware of feelings our daughter may have growing up (and could potentially talk to you about).
I recently found a blog written by a mother of two adopted Korean boys and an African American girl, she is such a beautiful writer and I thought this post about transracial parenting was just lovely: http://flowerpatchfarmgirl.blogspot.com/2010/12/big-adoption-series-chapter-19.html
One of the most interesting things the social worker brought up at our meeting is to think about Auden’s culture. We are going to be so focused on learning about Korean culture for our daughter it will make Auden think he doesn’t have a “culture.” The problem is, like many Caucasians living in America, we don’t really subscribe to any one culture and therefore almost have a feeling of a lack of culture. Despite Auden having a very Hispanic last name, and his mother having a very Irish maiden name, he comes from so much more than these two backgrounds…as he is also…Danish, German, Italian, Czech…and probably one or two others I’m forgetting right now. Cody and I agreed that despite intercultural/interracial marriages and families being such a wonderful thing in today’s society it is quite a shame that what comes with it sometimes is a sense of loss of culture. So don’t be surprised if Cody and I start honoring some old Danish, Italian, Czech, etc. traditionsJ
We will likely be scheduling our third and final visit with the social worker by the end of the month…stay tuned!
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