Fun with Korean adoption friends

In the last few weeks I've been able to get together with my Korean adoption friends several times for fun events.  

We took the boys to a great Korean BBQ place in Annandale called Kogiya.  We got a separate room which was perfect for our squirmy boys and had a ton of fun and food!  

An event that was a little less fun but very important was seeing The Drop Box documentary that was playing in the movie theater as a special event for 3 days.  It was a beautiful story of Pastor Lee's dedication to save abandoned children in Korea, especially those with severe special needs.  It was great to finally see after hearing so much about him and his church for so many years.  Definitely made you leave the theater thinking about what means most in life and how you could live your life more selflessly like the Pastor.  

Next up was my friend's annual Lunar New Year party that got postponed due to bad weather.  It was a great time and the boys had so much fun pulling all of Henry's toys out:-) Auden and Grant, (especially Auden) were SO excited to wear their Korean Hanboks for the occasion.  I didn't get any really good pics, they were all too busy playing:-). 

I'm so thankful to have these special friends in our lives!  

Who needs sleep anyway?

Everyone always remarks about how well Grant has adjusted: to his new family, his new language, his new life, etc.  And they are correct, Grant has done extremely well given the short time he has been home.  But the thing about toddler adoption, no matter how well things seem to be going on the outside, the brain never forgets the trauma and abandonment these children have been through.  For some kids, that means acting out/more tantrums during the day when they are upset or routines have been disrupted, some kids turn to even worse behavior like hitting, or some kids like Grant have sleeping issues when something is up.  Some parents tell me they have to deal with night terrors on a daily basis for years, thankfully we haven't had many of those.  Instead our little guy grieves/cries out in his sleep when something is bothering him.

Grant's longest period of grieving in his sleep frequently (can be every 20 mins) was for about 5 days straight after Cody and I did an overnight getaway to a bed & breakfast in February.  Again, during the day he was his normal self but at night, in his unconscious state, he was a mess.  We can only guess we trigger fears in him that we wouldn't come back:( 

We took custody of Grant on the 3rd of June.  About 5 out of the 9 months Grant has been with us, he has a horrible night on the 3rd of the month.  This is called a trauma-versary in the adoption world.  I know, I didn't believe it either when families in my adoption groups used to talk about it before Grant came home.  More typically they are yearly, around the time of their birthdays, custody days, holidays, but it's not unheard of to have them monthly.  The brain is an amazing thing.  Grant doesn't know it's the night of the 3rd, and usually I don't even know until I look at my phone after he's grieved in his sleep several times that night.  Pretty crazy stuff, huh?  

Two days ago we had our 9 month post-placement visit by the social worker.  These are notoriously bad nights for Grant because he is aware that I'm talking to the social worker about him and she is not just one of Mommy's friends there to play with him.  She's asking questions, writing things down, etc.  I'm sure very similar to the monthly meetings he had to go to in Korea with his Omma at the agency.  He acts shy at first, then wanted the attention on him as usual, then was really sweet to the social worker by the end and even handed out pretend cookies and said one was hers.  We went on to have a normal rest of our day.  Then came night time.  Bedtime stories, tucked him in, said goodnights as normal.  It always starts around 1am.  After he cries out 3 times I usually go get him and bring him to our room (despite him still being asleep) because I don't want him to wake Auden up.  So he spent the rest of the night on the cot next to our bed.  He grieved in his sleep the entire night, every 30 minutes or less.  Cody and I definitely understand why governments use sleep deprivation/waking up every 1/2 hour with loud noises as an effective torture technique on terrorists.  In all seriousness, it is heartbreaking, I have to pat his back for it to end quicker and I can't even imagine what is going through his mind and dreams.  Well, that was until Monday night.  His grieving changed, he cried out loudly- but then he would actually say something in his sleep!  So, we heard him crying/yelling the following:

"I want to ride my bike!"
"I want a turkey sandwich!"
"I want to play with Ipad!"
"No, go THAT way!" (he's the biggest backseat driver:-)
"I want a cereal bar!"

"Where's Doggie?"  (Stuffed animal)
"Peanut Butter!"

Yes, we were so sleep deprived but could finally laugh about it in the morning.  Our thoughts are these are his favorite things that he doesn't want to be separated from.  It's heartbreaking and funny all rolled into one.  I hate that the trauma of being abandoned twice (birthmom and fostermom) in his short life is so ingrained in his brain that he dreams and thinks about it subconsciously.  Last night he yelled out once and completely woke up from a bad dream but that was it so hopefully we will be back to "normal" soon.  

Although, I'm not sure what "normal" sleeping in our house is anymore because if it's not Grant in our room, it's Auden.  Auden, who has lost his title of awesome sleeper (ha), now gets bad dreams in his older age in the middle of the night and gets scared of his room and comes into ours.  He's actually been more trouble than Grant the last few months.  In the end, I know these sleep issues may seem hard now, but the boys are growing up and soon they are not going to seek comfort in our bed or our room.  So we will just take it one night at a time.

And to leave you with a funny picture.  Grant begs Auden to let him sleep in his bed (this could actually be the answer to a lot of sleep problems-just stick them together!), finally Auden let Grant sleep in his bed on vacation- so here they are, all squished in a single bed- hot and sweaty in Florida.  It was adorable:-)  

Cold fun, Warm fun!

 

In February we met Nana and Pappy at Whitetail Ski Resort in PA before they came to our house for a few days.  We had no expectations for putting Grant on skis that day but the "little general" (new nickname) insisted.  It was a cold and windy day but neither Grant or Auden complained, so that must mean they really love skiing.  Grant was a natural from the moment he put the skis on and shuffled around.  We started with him just having fun skiing fast down the mountain in between Daddy's legs and then by the end of the day we got him skiing down the "bunny" hill by himself, just needed assistance to stop.  He was awesome.  Auden is getting better each time we go and is working on turns and stops now instead of just being a speed demon, ha.  It was very necessary to have Nana/Pappy there to ski with Auden when he wanted to go in between legs really fast since Mommy will never be up to that challenge.  It was a cold but great day!

 

 

 

 

In early March it was time to take our first official family vacation to Florida!  It was going to be Grant's first time on a plane since coming home so I was a little nervous.  But we prepared him for a month leading up to it so he seemed very excited for the plane and the trip.  Unfortunately, mother nature had other plans!  Due to a big snow storm that day, our flight got cancelled on the way to the airport.  Luckily, I married a man that doesn't like to be told he can't do something, so in typical Cody fashion he had a plan B.  We kept our return flight and brought home a rental car from the airport.  We knew the only way we could do the 14 hour drive was at bedtime because Grant is a bit hard to do a long drive with- he gets bored, constantly asks for food out of boredom, asks to stop for the bathroom out of boredom and just generally doesn't stop talking, haha.  So we went home, got the boys energy out by playing in the 10 inches of new snow and then we hit the road at 8:30pm.  The boys slept 12 of the 14 hour drive, Cody was a rockstar and drove the whole way.  I tried to sleep the best I could.  Then, by the time we got to my Uncle Jim's rental condo, the boys were ready to hit the pool and we let Daddy sleep until the late afternoon.  Success!  It was a great trip and Grant got to meet his Great-Grandmom in Florida and Aunt Suellen, cousin Brittany/Wes and their beautiful three children we've never met before.  And we had quality time with Grammy who was already there.  We ended up having great weather, an awesome trip and Grant did amazing on the plane ride back.  What a difference from last July!  He sat in his seat the entire time, played with toys, the ipad, then fell asleep.  His attention span has really be increasing these last few months.  It was fascinating that the first thing he wanted to do when we got home was to look at his lifebook album at the pictures of when he was on a plane last and asked some questions but he's been sleeping great so it must mean he is understanding a lot more and feels comfortable with trips and always returning home like we promise.   

 

 

From snow to pool in a 15 hour drive south!

 

 

 

 

 

Grant, with a little coaxing, decided he wanted to go underwater and use goggles for the first time!  Once he commits to something, he really commits!  He left Florida being able to swim 5 feet to us underwater and loved every second of it- "do it again!" "do it again!"  I guess it's time for swim classes, no more fears of water!

 

 

 

 

Beach time!  Grant loved the sand but thought the water was too chilly.  On the other hand, Auden's fear of waves is completely gone and he begged Daddy to take him really far out and loved getting knocked over and over by all the waves!  So fun to see how much these boys change and grow from year to year.

 

 

Time to head from Port St. Lucie to Punta Gorda to see Grammy and our Floridian family!  More driving but it was worth it and we stayed the night at Great-Grandmom's house.

 

 

 

Bye Florida!  Thanks for the fun in the sun when we really needed it!  Can't wait for warm weather at home now!