1st Birthday Pictures!

On Friday we got the BEST 1st Birthday pictures of Grant!  He full of smiles, wearing the birthday hat we sent him and has the microphone in his hand that he picked for his DOL ceremony.  He is wearing a beautiful hanbok (traditional Korean outfit) which is emerald green and white on top and pinkish colored pants (pink is common for boys on their 1st birthday).  Typically, foster moms give parents the hanbok when they go to Korea to pick up their child...if we are fortunate enough to get it I would like to have Grant baptized in it.  We are so lucky to see Grant's big beautiful smiles, as many of my waiting parent friends with our agency aren't as fortune to get such smiles and only get three pictures (we got 6).  After all, we are talking about a 12 month old dressed in a heavy garment and usually silly hat...smiling for a posed picture is usually the last thing they want to do (I've been there and done that with Auden, ha).  So, I'm not sure what his foster mom did to get such wonderful pictures...perhaps made goofy faces or waved silly toys like I've been known to do, but I sure do love her for it!  We will cherish these pictures forever.

It was perfect timing to get these pictures as we were able to show them off to the McCormick side of the family since we had a cousin's graduation party this past weekend.  If anyone else would like to see the pictures, shoot me an email:-) 


 

Grant's 12 month update

This week we received an extensive update from Grant's 12 month appointment (from April 22, 2013)!


The highlights are:

• He drinks formula 4-5 times a day.  He eats solids twice a day that include chicken in boiled rice, beef in boiled rice, vegetables in boiled rice, steamed sweet potato, apple, orange, strawberry yogurt, etc.  It says he eats very well! 
• He is given a bath every day and he likes bath time.
• He goes to sleep at 9:00pm and gets up at 7:00am with 1-2 naps per day for one hour. 
• He is WALKING on his own!
• He understands what is said to him.  If he is asked to give over a toy he has been playing with, he knows to give it to the person asking. 
• If he is angry, he arches his back and lies back to throw a fit (haha).
• He likes playing with a ball.  He turns pages in a book and looks at them.  He tries to scribble.  He puts small objects in a box and takes them out again.  He opens drawers and takes things out of them.  He stacks about two blocks on each other. 
• He imitates taking a spoon to his mouth.  He holds a cup with two hands and tries to drink from it.
• While he plays he say "umma" (mommy), "mamma" (baby talk for food), "ahppa" (daddy). 
• He likes to go out.  He tries to take off his own shoes.  He especially follows his foster father and like to play with him. 

At 12 months old his stats were:

Weight: 21.4 lbs (approx. 30th percentile, for comparison Auden was 19.5 lbs at 12 mos.)
Height: 30 inches (approx. 65th percentile)
Head Circ: 46.8 cm (approx. 65th percentile)
Teeth: 4/2- I think that may mean 4 on top and 2 on bottom? 

I've been to enough of Auden's appointments with the developmental specialist to know that Grant is doing wonderfully!  He seems to be ahead of the curve on many gross and fine motor skills!  And his language at 12 months is completely age appropriate (and several months ahead of his big bro I might add, ha).  It is so nice to know that he is thriving with his foster family...but of course bittersweet that we can't see all of these fun things he is doing.

They have a special birthday celebration in Korea for the child's first year.  It is called a Doljanchi or DOL for short.  They dress the children in traditional Korean attire called hanboks and have a nice party with lots of food and sweets.  The highlight of the DOL is a ritual where the child is placed in front of food and objects. The child is urged to pick one and the item the child picks is believed to foretell the child's future. This ritual is called Doljabi. Guests are urged to guess what the child will pick and to submit their guesses.  More modern items are used today based on current occupations.

Some of the items typically used and what they symbolize are:

money- wealth/entreprenuer
pencil- scholar
brushes- artist
stethoscope- doctor
gavel- lawyer
microphone- entertainer/celebrity
ball- athlete
hammer-atchitect

So, what did Grant pick at his DOL celebration?!?!?  the MICROPHONE!  We got a little entertainer on our hands!  It would be nice to bring some singing talent into our family since Cody and I are lacking in that department:-)  Can't wait to see if he fortune comes true! 

We are suppose to be getting pictures of the celebration shortly, as they are being sent via DSL to the agency before they get to us.  Looking forward to seeing Grant in his cute hanbok with the microphone in his hand!

"we have no idea"

I’ve been putting off writing this post for a while.  However, since summer is approaching and we will be seeing a lot of family soon I think it would be best for me explain in some detail why we now give the blanket answer “we have no idea” to the question of WHEN Grant will be coming home.  Additionally, I think it’s important that Grant can look back on this one day and understand why it took so long for us to come get him. 

International adoption many times ends up being about politics rather than “the best interest of the child", either unintentionally or intentionally.  I think everyone saw this a few months ago when Russia suddenly banned Americans from adopting Russian children, a measure that was pure retaliation against an American law that sanctioned Russians for violating human rights.

South Korea enacted a new adoption law in August of 2012, which had a goal of giving birthmothers and adoptees more rights (which is great and important).  This new law added an additional step to both domestic and international adoptions- the cases will now be reviewed by the South Korean Family Court before a child can leave the country.  Previously, before this new law, the last step for international adoption was the child getting permission to leave the country from the government, called an emigration permit (EP).  As soon as the child got their EP approval, the family would be told to prepare to travel to Korea for a 3-5 day trip.  Under the old law, we would have been able to get Grant undoubtedly by the end of this year.  But now under the new law, after the child gets their EP, their file gets sent to the family court for review (to double check that everything looks good) for this new final step.  And this brought everything to a screeching halt since it began in January. 

Unfortunately, despite having a year for the Court to figure out how to interpret and implement this court review step they have been having trouble deciding what should be exactly required of us, the foreign parents, under the new law.  This has resulted in the first cases still sitting on their desks since January.  And no children have left South Korea since last October.  This is absolutely tragic.  So, what has the Court been doing these last 6 months?  Good question, as there is also a serious lack of communication between the Court and the partner adoption agencies in Seoul.  For one, they have been going back and forth on whether or not, we, foreign parents should have to appear before them for a 15 minute court hearing where they ask us basic questions.  Right now the current mandate is that we do need to appear before them.  This sounds easy enough; however, South Korea has a 2 week waiting period after all civil judgments.  This means that agencies are now giving the parents the option of having to do two short trips, before and after the waiting period, or do one month-long trip.  Understandably, this has many families in tears as the financial implications and logistics of both are far greater than what we signed up for when we all entered the program a long time ago.  Cody and I are fortunate that we would be able to take off from work for a month (it will be part of my maternity leave) and since Auden isn’t in elementary school yet it would not be a problem for him to come with us.  In fact, we think it could be an awesome opportunity to be in South Korea for a month to learn so much about Grant’s birth country.  Hopefully the grandparents could even visit us during our time there.  However, we are in the minority and I feel very badly for the families that are now struggling to make the new travel requirements work.  We also know that things have been changing so much; we wouldn’t be surprised if things are different by the time we travel, so you can’t take anything too seriously yet.   

There has been some progress recently within the Court, the first batch of families all have scheduled court hearings in late May and June.  Non-refundable plane tickets are purchased, so the first children to leave the country this year will finally come home at the end of June.  So, that is very good news!  However, right now the Court is only scheduling 5 international hearings a week, which is only 20 a month.  They need to greatly pick up the pace if we want to get Grant by his 2^nd birthday next April.  The agencies believe the Court will move faster once they get underway, but who knows.  This is exactly why when people ask us WHEN Grant is coming home, we simply say “we have no idea.”  It’s a new law being implemented by a Court that has never done adoption cases before and it is just now starting to move.   

There is another requirement that comes with the new law that is important to mention.  That is, before the child gets its EP from the government, the birthmother is being contacted to come to the agency and sign a re-relinquishment paper in front of a judicial representative (to ensure everything was done ethically the first time she relinquished on the day the child was born).  Cody and I, along with every other parent waiting believe this is a wonderful additional step, as we would NEVER EVER want to take a child away from a mother who actually wanted to parent.  However, this step coming at the very end, of what could be an 18 month waiting period, is very heart-wrenching.  The agencies are trying to make the Court understand this and hope to have the birthmothers re-contacted before parents are even matched with a child in the future (which would seem logical), however, for now we have to deal with it the way it is.  Although it is very rare, Grant’s birth mother could decide at the end of all this that she wants to parent.  Unfortunately, this has made getting his pictures and putting together his care packages bittersweet.  And it reinforced our decision to wait to tell Auden about Grant. Ultimately, none of this is in our control…and Cody and I know that if it’s meant to be, it will be.  If Grant is supposed to be our son, he will be.   

Lastly, I should say that on a Korean domestic level, the new law has backfired terribly on the government.  While hoping to give adoptees more rights to finding their birthparents, a requirement makes birthmothers who place their child with an adoption agency have to register the child’s name on their family registry which is public information until the child is adopted.  Since sometimes children aren’t adopted the mothers are scared to do this which has resulted in a sharp increase of unwed mothers abandoning their babies (churches, hospitals, etc.) instead of placing them with adoption agencies.  Abandoned children aren’t eligible for adoption in South Korea and grow up in orphanages (like the one my best friend took me to when I was visiting her in S. Korea back in 2004).  Unfortunately this stems from the social stigma surrounding unwed mothers that is still alive and well in South Korea, they don’t want any records tying them to a baby out of wedlock.  The abandonment issue has been in the Korean news a lot and there are talks that the new law may be revised again since the baby abandonment rates have drastically increased since its enactment.  Low domestic adoption numbers negatively affect how many international adoptions the South Korean government will allow in a given year, so this definitely is not good for everyone involved. 

As you can see, it is not an easy answer as to why it is taking so long to travel to Korea and get Grant.  It is complicated, very political and involves a new law and a foreign Court that we are basically at the mercy of.  Hopefully, for those interested in a deeper understanding of why we say “we don’t know, it’s political, “ I answered some of your questions.  We are not trying to be rude and we appreciate people asking, it’s just hard to answer such a question in one minute or less given the state of affairs right now.  So, please keep us in your thoughts and hopefully towards the end of the summer I will be able to report that the Court is processing cases faster and we will have a better idea of when we can travel to get Grant.      

Goodbye Paci!

There once was a little boy who loved to sleep with his paci.  And what a wonderful sleeper he was...when the paci went in, the eyelids went down.  Mommy and Daddy considered themselves very lucky. 

But then the little boy turned 3 yrs old and Mommy and Daddy decided it was time to finally say goodbye to the paci.  There was a new baby in the family and Auden agreed with his parents that his new baby cousin Kinley needed his pacis more than he did.  So they talked about it every night for 3 weeks before meeting baby Kinley.  And then it was time to gather up all the pacis in the house, clean them and wrap them up for the visit to Philly.

 

The time had come.  Auden met his beautiful new baby cousin Kinley.  With some minor hestitation Auden gave Uncle Chris the bag full of all his pacis for Kinley.  Since Kinley was crying, he thought it would be a good idea to give her one now. 

Success....and after getting Rita's water ice we went back to Grammy and Grandpa's house for Auden's first night without his paci!  He didn't even talk about it when we were tucking him in at night and this picture below is how Mommy found him before she went to sleep.  Luckily, the lack of a paci does not seem to affect this kid's heavy sleeping abilities (flash photography and moving him in his sleep- no problem).   



Of course there was bribery involved!  When we got back to our house in VA, Auden was promised a wonderful "big boy" present for giving all his pacis to Kinley.  He was so excited for the surprise and was over the moon to get a scooter!  The paci-less 3 yr. old rode off into the sunset....

The End. 

You know, once in a blue moon you just nail this parenting thing.  This was one of those times.  Besides needing a few extra snuggles and taking a little longer to get to sleep, Auden has done great this first week sleeping without his paci (no tears, no screams).  I think it was key to talk about giving up the pacis every night for 3 weeks and giving them to somone that he really wants to have them:-)  No regrets waiting until he was 3 yrs old.  He has never ever had it during awake hours, it helped him become an awesome sleeper, the dentist said no ill effects on his teeth and the the best of all...he's not a thumb sucker like his Mommy was!

care package #4

For Grant's 4th care package we decided to include a USB drive instead of a disposable camera in hopes that his foster family has a digital camera.  How amazing it would be to have hundread of pics of Grant's first 18 months.  We also sent three cute summer outfits that Auden gently wore:-)  Additionally in the package was a recent family pic that I made through Snapfish on a wooden panel so Grant could hold it witout bending it and can drool all over it.  Lastly, there is a book, toothbruth and singing froggy toy.  

Cake time!

I'm really not a crafty person (let alone a baker) but I wanted to honor Grant's birthplace on the cake I made for his birthday.  So here is my attempt at the South Korean flag.  There wasn't enough room for me to write "Happy Birthday," woops!  As always, a big thanks to Duncan Hines for making their chocolate cakes dairy-free so I could actually enjoy it too!  I'm cheating on the no public pictures rule (which everyone seems to break) and below is a picture of two recent pictures of Grant with his cake:-) 

We celebrated his actual birthday (Korean time) at our monthly neighborhood wine club night.  And Nana and Pappy just drove into town and were able to join the little celebration too.  We sung happy birthday (which is kinda bizarre when you are singing to someone not there) and blew out a candle for him.  All our neighbors, who we are close friends with now, are so excited for Grant to come and join the neighborhood crew. 

Happy 1st Birthday Grant!

Well, it's officially the morning of the 20th in Seoul right now so I can say HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANT!  It's so hard to be away from our baby on his first birthday but we know his foster family will be having a nice celebration for him.  We can't wait to see pictures.  Speaking of pictures, we got great pictures of Grant this week!  He is wearing Auden's sweatshirt and hat that we sent in two of the pictures which meant the world to us.  He is SOOOO adorable.  And to see him in his big brother's clothes that I've washed dozens of times makes it feel so real.

Instead of a birthday letter to Grant, I decided to write a poem for him on his first birthday (excuse the rudamentary rhyming skills). 

My Wish for My Baby on His 1st Birthday

I want you to know

On this special day,

That we are celebrating you

In our own special way.

I want you to know

That your birth mother had it rough,

She was so brave one year ago

When she gave you up.

I want you to know

She wished the best for you,

Hoping you would always have inner peace and strength

Is what she dreamed of too.   

I want you to know

That we are going to do our very best,

To teach you about South Korea

The beautiful birthplace you left.

I want you to know

It is nothing you have done,

The loss of two mothers will be great

My heart already aches for you little one.

I want you to know

How very loved and wanted you are,

It is because of the love of your first two mothers

You are coming into our arms.

I want you to know

That you are such a handsome little guy,

You have the most perfect lips

And beautiful dark brown eyes. 

I want you to know

That I dream about our family of four,

Walking along

With Auden’s hand in yours.

I want you to know

Despite all that we missed,

We can’t wait to share some of your firsts- 

Boating on the lake, sledding and tractor rides are on the list. 

I want you to know

We are so happy we can give you and Auden a brother,

Although I know there will be fighting

I can’t wait to see the love you have for one another. 

I want you to know

That our dreams for you are quite simple,

We want to fill your world with love and happiness

For it is family that makes life meaningful.    

I want you to know

The waiting is so very hard,

But soon the day will come

And at last you’ll be in our arms.   

We love you Grant.