Grant is SIX!

Happy Birthday to Grant who is now the big 6!  I stared writing this the week of your birthday but time got away from me and things started to happen that I thought should be included in this Grant update.  So here we are, 3 months after your birthday, whoops!  Your birthday weekend was super fun and jam packed with swim lessons in the morning, then a soccer game mid-day, then a late afternoon party with all your buddies at Pump It Up where you all had tons of energy to bounce yourselves silly.  I loved coming into school the day before your birthday to read a story for your class, then we all sang "happy birthday" and I then stayed to each lunch with you and your friends which was super special!

You are ALL soccer right now, Daddy is coaching your team for the second time this school year and your soccer friends have become some of your best buddies.  It's a great group of boys and we have been enjoying hanging out with all of the parents.  It is already so fun watching you guys progress, I can't imagine what it will be like the next two years as you all get older and more skilled.

Daddy and I love how you are willing to try many different sports and your great coordination and fast speed means you are good at many of them.  When we were in Colorado for spring break you upped your skiing big time after you had ski school for a day.  You really improved technically and your turns are looking awesome- you were 5 years old and taking on west coast blue squares like a boss.  It was so cool to watch!  Currently, you are taking a break from Tae-Kwon-Do since it is soccer season and you also were doing before and after school sports programs- Hip Hop and Sports All Stars.  You'll be doing mini-stars swimming again this summer to keep your stamina up in the pool.  Your coordination is great for freestyle and backstroke but you are just working on the stamina.  This past weekend you joined Auden for his last track meet since it was "family fun" day and you loved it so I think we might have added another sport to your future repertoire, haha.  I'm looking forward to you trying lacrosse too since it was my personal favorite.  Now is the time to try all these different things and figure out what you like best before the craziness of travel teams starts up in 2 years.

My how this year has flown by!  You have absolutely rocked Kindergarten.  Your report cards are outstanding, you are quick to learn anything new and always ask for challenging work.  In fact, you were selected to receive advanced academic services next year to ensure your 1st grade teacher gives you differentiated work in language arts and math to keep you challenged.  We were pleasantly surprised by this news and happy the teachers recognize what we do at home.  It is hard to believe you only heard English for the first time when you were 26 months old and now you qualify for advanced language arts.  We knew how bright you were from the first weeks we met you but what we are most proud of is how hard you try at school and give your best effort.  That's all we can ask for, well....and wish you practiced reading more:)

Socially, kindergarten has been interesting as it has brought new types of challenges we have not had to parent yet just because Auden hasn't taken us down this road before.  You are a natural leader in your own right among certain types of personalities, however, you still seem to be drawn to certain kids, or this year- one boy in particular who you seem to follow.  We've had to have several discussions about being your own person and not making poor decisions just because friends are, since in your heart you know what is right and wrong.  We knew peer pressure is always an issue growing up but we didn't think we would have to deal with it in Kindergarten honestly.  But there have been a few instances this year that were good "teachable moments" and we are trying our best on parenting techniques to help you navigate having fun with your friends, being inclusive of everyone and not letting others influence you to make bad decisions.  You are a social butterfly and well liked by many Grant, we want you to use these powers for good and follow your kind heart!

At your 6 yr old check up with the doctor, we did some blood tests because you had another little drop in percentiles for weight and height.  You are a great eater so we just wanted to check and see if there was anything going on since you are at the very low end of the growth charts now.  Surprisingly, the one thing that came back is that you had an elevated level for Celiac (which could affect growth).  After some discussion, we were urged to do a biopsy by the GI specialist as it is the "gold standard" in diagnosing Celiac.  It was a relatively easy procedure and you were such a trooper!  These things are much harder on Mommy to see you in a hospital bed coming out of anesthesia.  Unfortunately we did not get a conclusive answer from the biopsy (1 out of 3 criteria met) and your genetic testing for Celiac came back negative which I assumed because it is rare for Koreans to have Celiac.  So at this time it looks like you have a gluten sensitivity but nothing that should be affecting your growth.  Right now we are on week 3 of a gluten free diet at the recommendation of the specialist to completely rule out Celiac and see how your body does off of gluten.  We will probably try it for 3-6 months then gradually re-introduce it and see how your body does.  If nothing changes we will go back to a regular diet.  It's definitely not easy but in today's world it is not a major inconvenience to be gluten free since so many people are on GF diets.  You are being a trooper and trying lots of new types of food and the rest of the family is too:)

We've already had awesome trips to the NC beach and the lake this summer.  Next up, in one week you and Auden will be going to "Nana and Pappy Camp" for 5 days without us.  You are a little apprehensive but you definitely want to go, so hopefully it works out well!

This past week your appearance has changed a lot as you wanted Daddy to give you a proper mohawk and you "lost" your first tooth!  I say "lost" because it was actually (unfortunately) an extraction of your front baby tooth because an x-ray showed an infection in the root.  It was a bit painful but I'm not sure you minded too much because you were just so excited to lose your first tooth and have the tooth fairy come!  You look adorable and like a big boy at the same time.

You are growing up right before our eyes.  You are always anxious to learn things from the big boys in our neighborhood or at camp and sometimes this is for better or worse.  We don't want you growing up any faster than you already are!  Auden's friends think you are the coolest little brother.  You are inquisitive, hilarious, sassy and a great helper around the house.  It's easy to tell when you have a lot on your mind and sometimes some extra snuggles are in order.  You and Auden continue to have a special bond which warms my heart.  We think you make him more social while his love of science and learning rubs off on you.  You and Leena have a very typical sibling relationship, one that I remember quite well with my older brother growing up.  You both know how to push each other's buttons and it's common to hear the phrase from Mom/Dad, "please get away from each other if you can't get along."  You have your sweet play moments but there are sharing problems and tattling between you two as well.  But at the end of the day, we know you adore her and you are very glad to have her in the family, so that is the most important.

This year was a BIG year for you!  You faced lots of changes and firsts- like gaining a sister, starting elementary school, going to summer camp, starting a gluten free diet and most recently losing your first tooth!  It wasn't without a few bumps but you are an amazingly brave kid that we have no doubt can tackle anything that comes your way.  Grant, you are SO special and SO loved!

 6^TH BIRTHDAY INTERVIEW

• What is your favorite toy?   Legos
• What is your favorite food?  Noodles- red sauce (like Spaghetti) or brown sauce (like Ramen)
• What is your favorite thing to do/play outside?  Playing tag in cul-de-sac
• What is your favorite show?  Captain Underpants show
• What is your favorite color? Red and blue
• Who is your best friend? Sawyer, John 
• What do you want to be when you grow up?  Math teacher (like 6th grade) 
• What is your favorite sport?  Soccer

  

Auden is EIGHT!

***Well, I guess life is busy with 3 kids considering I've been working on this post for over a month!

And then he was 8!  Happy birthday to our sweet Auden.  As our oldest child, every time you turn another year older, it just seems like such a big number and we can’t imagine you being on this planet for 8 years already.  You had a wonderful birthday party with a crew of your 2^nd Grade buddies at a Rec Center that has a big pool with water slides, a whirlpool and a lazy river.  You were definitely in your element and had a blast.  What a great and fun group of boys you go to school with!  I feel like they are all so kind and appreciate everyone no matter their differences.  I hope that stays true as the years go on. 

 This year you’ve been re-visiting old hobbies and taking up some new ones.  You are back in TKD with your brother doing a family class once a week.  You are working very hard at it and you say you enjoy it and want to continue which is awesome.  This in turn makes Grant want to continue and not quit like he otherwise probably would have by now.  You are agreeable to trying track and field and I found a laid-back program that starts in a few weeks.  I think you will really enjoy it as you’ve always loved racing short distances and doing big jumps.  We are headed to Colorado for spring break (hopefully there will be snow) and I know you will leave Mommy in your dust and start going on runs that I don’t even want to do.  You realized you are pretty good at ice skating because you roller blade around the cul-de-sac often and you expressed interest in taking speed skating lessons in the future.  Since team sports aren’t your thing, we are having some fun trying to think of what other individual sports you may enjoy.    

 Your love for science is only deepening and you have recently claimed you have learned everything you could about the dinosaur age so now you are deep into reading books about the organisms and marine animals that existed before the time of the dinosaurs.  Honestly, I don’t even understand the fancy scientific names you list off, the evolution facts of each species of animals you know and it’s clear that you the teacher and we are your students.  Your thirst for knowledge is just remarkable and I wish I had such a passion to learn when I was a child.  I love how you learn things for yourself, not for a test and not to impress others.  When you talk about anything science there is this excitement in your voice and sparkle in your eye that is contagious and only makes me wonder what your future will bring.  We just visited the Baltimore Aquarium and it was hilarious watching random kids listen to you at each window of different fish because you knew more information than the plaques provided most of the time.  You are enjoying an after school program on “electronics and electricity” and got lots of good robotics for your birthday that you can’t wait to get started on. 

You have the greatest teacher this year, she is one of those teachers everyone says you are going to remember for the rest of your life.  She recognizes all your strengths, your intelligence, and works hard to accommodate your weaknesses at school.  She thinks you are funny and awesome and doesn’t seem to mind the little extra work it takes to come up with ways to get you to reach your potential in the classroom.  It’s because of this teacher and your super nice special education teacher, we decided last month now was the time to try medication for your ADHD- Inattentive.  We promise Auden, it was not a decision we took lightly.  We researched for months, I had sleepless nights about it, and Daddy even followed the bus one day to watch you get off of it because you seemed a little less like “Auden” one morning when you left after giving you medication.  The scales were tipped at your annual IEP meeting with your lovely teachers that sat there and said- we’ve realized that Auden has no weaknesses or disabilities with the material or tasks in math or writing, it is just that his lack of attention (daydreaming) is globally effecting him in all these areas.  They said, at least we aren’t dealing with several issues, it is just one issue affecting everything.  Internally, that’s when Daddy and I knew it was time.  So, how could we not see if ADHD medication could help you reach your full potential in school?  Of course, there is a part of us that doesn’t want to medicate you just to fit the norm of what a typical child looks like in classroom setting but we worry that at some point your self-esteem will be affected. 

You are one month into the medication and so far we are getting pretty remarkable feedback from your teachers.  You have more body awareness and calmness in class, you require less prompts to transition to different activities, you are completing your math classwork in record speed and not daydreaming between each problem, you are coming up with ideas for your writing assignments faster than ever.  The math aide in your class did not know you were on medication and on the 3^rd day she told the teachers how you were acting like a different child knocking out your math worksheets without even looking up- she was floored.  We don’t have those kind of demands at home, so right now we just have to trust your teachers that you are closer to reaching your potential at school and are accessing more information than ever.  They say you are proud of your work and all you are accomplishing which is awesome.  The biggest negative is that it is taking you longer to go to sleep at night, instead of reading for 1 hour, you are reading for 2 hours, ha.  We are monitoring that but hopefully now that it is getting nicer outside you can burn off more energy after school. 

This year was a big year with gaining another sibling.  It’s so funny that you seemed apprehensive before I left for India yet you just fell into the role of having a little sister like it was second nature.  You are just the best big brother.  We would have never considered having another child if the adjustment to having a brother was a really tough one.  But you and Grant are like peanut butter and jelly.  You are opposite in almost every way yet you two go together perfectly.  Grant says he loves you because you say “Hi” excitedly to him every time you see him in the hallways and sometimes when your recesses overlap you and your friends always play with him.  It is the most fun watching you with Leena when you don’t know anyone is looking.  I spied you helping her brush her teeth the other morning and it was the cutest thing I ever saw.  Our sink is so tall, you had to lift her up every time she needed to spit and rinse.  Watching you talk to her in a little bit of a baby voice and lift her up as she giggled and put her arms up for you was the cutest.  When we say you are in charge of her you take it very seriously.  Like the time on the playground while I was watching Grant’s soccer team- other parents saw you come out of the porta-potty with Leena and you said it was hard work holding her up so she didn’t fall in.  You were meant to be a big brother.  And you are a perfect big brother in our unique family circumstance of having two younger siblings that look nothing like you.  That’s because some of your best qualities are your big heart and not caring what others think.  Grant still relies on you to explain why and how you are brothers to some kids that may ask at school.  One day he will need gain his own voice but for now he told me that he likes it when you say it.  And you say it matter-of-factly, simple and with a bit of “who cares/no big deal” that makes other kids just move on to another topic of conversation.  How amazing you are Auden Henry.  

The highlight of your year I'm sure was going to Disney World in January.  My most special memory that I'll never forget is waiting for the "gates" to open so you and I could sprint to Space Mountain as fast as we could.  It was the one ride I always wanted to do and you were the only kid in the family that was tall enough for it (and brave enough!).  So, Daddy let me have this experience with you.  It was as you would say "SO AWESOME" over and over and over again.  The excitement waiting and the thrill on your face when it was over was something I'll always remember.  It was a great start to an amazing day in the Magic Kingdom with the whole family.        

We love you with all of our hearts and we can’t wait to see 8!!!

 8^TH BIRTHDAY INTERVIEW

• What is your favorite toy?   Robotics and Legos
• What are your favorite books right now?  The Phantom Tollbooth, Spirit Animal series, A to Z mysteries, Dogman Series, How to Eat Fried Worms, 10,000 Leagues Under the Sea, any non fiction about animals and dinosaurs 

• What is your favorite food?  Pizza, corndogs
• What is your favorite thing to do/play outside? ride bikes, roller blade, play in woods
• What is your favorite show?  Nature documentaries 
• What is your favorite color? Green 
• Who is your best friend? Thomas and Cole
• What do you want to be when you grow up?  A Palenotologist 
• What is your favorite sport?  Skiing

6 months with Leena

6 months ago I was on the other side of the world with my sister-in-law pushing thru all the appointments and red tape in New Delhi in order to get Leena home as fast as possible.  It feels like a lifetime ago.  Especially when you think of everything that has happened this year since that time.

6 months ago I took a scared little girl from a loving but sparse and tiny orphanage in a rural town in Southern India.  She was speaking fluent Kannada and got frustrated that we didn't understand her and she didn't understand us.  Now she is speaking English sentences and understands almost everything.  She is doing wonderful at preschool 3 days a week and even her teacher is amazed at how much progress she makes every passing month.  She is kind, she shares, she plays gently with the other kids and she loves helping her teachers.  Above all she is happy.  90% of Leena is happiness and smiles.  Other parents are shocked when they hear just how short of time she has been home because she speaks so well and is so comfortable in her surroundings.  And sometimes I forget too until she needs explaining that her teachers go home to their families at the end of the day (not slept there like she thought) because all she knows is the orphanage with caretakers that lived on the premises.

She is going to sleep in her own room now, completely prompted by her.  I lay with her until she falls asleep which I know isn't a good habit but she usually falls asleep within 10 minutes so it's just not a big deal.  Most nights she ends up in our bed at some point in the early morning hours but that's okay with us.  Leena now eagerly chooses to go with Daddy to run errands and loves snuggling with him on the couch.  Their relationship has blossomed and it is a beautiful thing to watch grow.  We had a great trip to PA for Thanksgiving and Leena got to meet more second cousins, Aunts/Uncles and we slept at Grammy and Grandpop's for the first time and Aunt Aimee's house as well.  She took all the activity in stride and with a smile and didn't even regress and have a night terror like she used to do when traveling in the summer.  That tells us how well she is settling into the routine of family and her new life and we are just thrilled.      

These last 6 months have been some of the best of my life.  Being off from work in the summer and having all 3 kids home was amazing and I never wanted it to end (well, at least last longer, ha).  I'm so glad Leena got to bond with her brothers over the summer before everyone started school routines.  We really lucked out with the timing of it all.  While I wasn't eager to get back to my job in the slightest it is nice getting into the regular routine of things and having Leena go to preschool where she is flourishing and learning.

In a nutshell, Leena is doing amazing and there is really no reason she should be doing this well.  It's all her- bravery, courage, trust.  I do feel guilty when I read posts in all my adoption groups about struggles with attachment, sleeping, eating, tantrums, speech, motor skills, newly discovered health issues, etc.  I'm not saying the last 6 months have been without bumps, because there was definite bumps the first weeks home.  But with Leena's language explosion and her happy and adventurous spirit the bumps these days are far and few between.  Which is crazy when you think how much change this little girl has gone through the past 6 months.  It is clear she was well loved because she surely knows how to show affection and love.  But sometimes when she is just giddy with laughter, like on a hike thru the woods or walking through the mall (always refusing a ride in the stroller) it is almost as if she is just so excited to be out of the four walls she spent her previous life in.  When I catch her looking at something in amazement, it sometimes can bring a tear to my eyes when I think about the life that she left and the children that are still there.  I never ever want to sound like a "savior" because that has never been a reason for growing our family through adoption- I'm simply so happy that she is happy and feel grateful for the "lot" I was given in life.  Of course, adoption is lifelong and just because she had a relatively easy adjustment to our family doesn't mean there won't be bumps further down the road like in adolescence.  But for the meantime, we count our blessings.

What is Leena like these days?
- She's gained over 5 pounds and 3 inches in the last 6 months.  And a TON of hair:)
- She starts her day with good snuggles with Mommy and Daddy which turns to tickling and giggles
- She loves picking out her clothes and is very opinionated on the matter
- Her facial expressions can do all her talking for her if need be
- She loves to sing and always asks to turn the radio up loud in the car
- She loves to talk and talk and talk and sometimes we need to turn the radio up in the car
- She likes the TV show "Daniel Tiger" and often speaks in the way they teach how to express emotion which is hilarious- "Mommy, Leena is sad", "Daddy, Leena is feeling mad".
- She does not like it when she's being laughed at (when she says something cute like above), which makes it worse because then her mad face makes us laugh more and it just goes on and on
- We can't use the same voice we use for the boys when they need to put on their shoes and aren't listening for Leena.  She says it's too loud and she cries for getting yelled at.
- She still loves to help clean or help do anything Cody and I are trying to do, very eager to please
- She is quite sassy and independent and makes me wait (impatiently) so she can do things herself like buckle her seatbelt, do the buttons on her shirt, etc.
- She loves all her baby dolls and asked Santa for "a lot more" every though she has 15 already.
- She is so gracious and says "thank you so much Mommy/Daddy!! I love you!!" if you give her the smallest thing- a cool pen, a little treat, etc.
- She loves her big brothers.  She knows Auden is good for helping her with things she can't do, reading to her and piggy back rides.  She knows Grant is good for having a dance party with her, making forts and creating messes and mischief:)

Now, here we are a week before Christmas and it is just so fun watching her try to figure out all of these new holidays and "firsts".  Halloween was awesome as she kept thinking it was over since we had a neighborhood party and she then had a school party.  So the night of Halloween was pure amazement to her as she ran from house to house filling her bag with candy.  She just had her first experience with snow and loved sledding down our hill with the big kids (not so much walking up the hill).  I can't even imagine what she is going to think on Christmas morning!

 

And then there were 5!

Our little beautiful Leena has been home for almost 2 months and I still sometimes feel like it's a dream when I wake up with her arm wrapped around me (or foot kicking me).  Right now she is laying on a toddler mattress next to our bed while I type but she will undoubtedly climb up to our bed in a few hours.  Which is fine, if only she slept vertically:) 

I've been dreading writing this post, because I'm not sure where to start, how to express the experience of being in her hometown, her orphanage, the craziness that was New Delhi, the first days/weeks home.  All of it feels like one big crazy blur sometimes.  The secret Facebook group I created for communicating our journey prior to and while I was India worked out really well since it's easier than people checking a blog and easier for me to post using my phone.  However, that means I don't have the journey documented on this blog.  In this ever-changing world of social media, you can't win, all of your "stuff" is going to be in different places.  I will just include some excerpts of what I wrote while in India within this post.

We decided it was best for the boys, especially Grant, for Cody to stay home while I traveled with his sister to India.  We will forever be grateful to Jody (and Tom) for having the flexibility and desire to accompany me on this once in a lifetime trip. 

Dates:
June 11th - departure from VA
June 13th- arrived in Bangalore, drove 3 hours to Hassan, went to orphanage 2 hours after arrival
June 14th- went to orphanage twice, afternoon received custody of Leena.
June 15th- drove back to Bangalore to spend the night in preparation for morning flight to Delhi
June 16th- arrived in New Delhi after some plane delays
June 17th- Medical appt. for visa
June 18th- Tourist day- private tour of New Delhi and "Old" Delhi
June 19th- Picked up medical packet, "begged" US embassy to see us day early and got VISA!
June 20th- Went to FRRO for my exit permit application, "begged" them to see me day early
June 21st- Went back to FRRO to pick up exit permit and received it right before 6pm closing and made our 2am flight out of Delhi!

We made it back in time for Auden's last day of first grade on June 23rd which was a very pleasant surprise. 

As for what I wrote when we arrived our first day in India:

"What a day.  First let me say how welcoming and friendly everyone is here.  We met so many people today and the common thread is hospitable, genuine and gracious.  What beautiful people in this country.  Our day started at 10am and we played with the kids at the orphanage for a few hours.  Leena was suspicious of me upon arrival as expected.  Luckily they didn't force her into my arms and I was able to play with the other kids and sometimes sneak some attention little by little toward her.  She's a smarty and gave me the cold shoulder a few times but I was able to stroke her hair, get in some tickles that resulted in smiles even though she was trying her hardest not to.  She, like every kid on earth, couldn't resist big smiles when I "threw" her up in the air.  She even let me hold her hand when we were walking outside.

We then had some meetings that I was not aware of but didn't surprise me based on Cody's trip back in January.  Two caretakers, Jody, Leena and I went to meet the "Child Welfare Committee" staff who was in charge of writing the report for the Judge.  They were very nice, just wanted to put a face with the name.  Next up, we went to see the director, the doctor who founded the elder home/orphanage.  He is a very busy doctor in town and we all squeezed into a small exam room to meet.  He thanked me for adopting Leena, we thanked him.  Leena was so well behaved at these meetings and was definitely taught to answer questions from these respected men in the town.  We went back to the orphanage to say our goodbyes for the day.

So everything went as well as could be expected, she showed appropriate level of concern that I was there but never cried and opened up a bit as hours went by. 

But the whole story is that today was really hard emotionally.  I've traveled quite a bit internationally but this was my first time in a 3rd world country.  The poverty slaps you in the face with the fact that you won the jackpot being born in the United States, no matter what income class.  It doesn't seem fair, even though I know life isn't suppose to be fair.  The orphanage had barely any toys, the room they spend most of their day in is quite small and they are using thin cloths for diapers for the babies that barely hold anything (as we were definitely playing in urine).  They are loving caregivers but they pale in comparison to what Grant experienced being raised in a foster family in a 1st world country.  We need to teach Leena how to "play", how to have fun without competing against 8 other kids all the time, and show her what it is like to get more than just her basic needs met.  We know it will be hard work, but we are looking forward to the journey of watching Leena's growth and transformation from an institution to our family."

It's so fascinating to read what I wrote two months ago to see how far Leena has come.  She seemed so serious and quiet that first day that I met her but she was hiding this super silly girl inside that makes us laugh all day and hardly ever stops talking:)  We learned quickly after custody she was fluent in her local dialect of Kannada.  At first she wasn't too keen to learn our English words and preferred to teach us her Kannada words which was quite cute and funny.  She went from sleeping on a cement floor with a thin woven rug to wanting to be in a king/queen bed very easily:)  We were told she was a vegetarian that loved to eat but didn't like vegetables, haha.  Well, she is a good eater that is up to trying most things and actually consistently loves meat the most!  Thankfully, our "little" Leena seems to be growing well as she's gained 3 pounds since that medical appointment in New Delhi 2 months ago.  From 23 to 26 pounds which now puts her on the weight chart, horray!

In the last week or two she's definitely had a language explosion.  It's bittersweet to not hear her talking in Kannada anymore, even if it was to yell at me.  I just realized she's not even saying the Kannada phrases for having to go pee and poop anymore which she held onto for a while since I knew what she meant.  Her receptive language is amazing as she understands the majority of what we are saying and can even follow multi-step directions in English.  She's giving Grant a run for his money as the "talker" in the family!

Leena is definitely "all girl"- as we realized she didn't stand a chance after watching female caregivers take care of babies for 3 years.  She loves all her baby dolls, Barbie dolls, brushing my hair (any female's hair), cleaning, helping in the kitchen, etc.  It gives you a little window into her prior life when she helps change a baby's diaper at a friend's house, spoon feeds a baby doll, or cries because you won't let her keep scrubbing the shower when cleaning.  I guess since they didn't really have toys at the orphanage, helping with the babies and cleaning is how a lot of time was spent and what she takes pride in. 

Which is why I like to see her be a "kid" and how fun it is to watch her experience things for the first time!  Water, water, water!  I don't know what else to say besides she is obsessed and has no fear.  She is already diving into pools head first and holding her breathe.  She dangerously loves water, as in-we need swim lessons ASAP.  Seeing the beach for the first time, the sand and waves gave her such excitement.  She was a little apprehensive with getting on the boat at the lake for the first time but soon decided she loved it as much as her brothers.  Swings- she could swing all day if you let her and thankfully it passed a lot of time while waiting for her brothers during their swim team practice.  A few days ago Leena had her first bounce house experience and the smile on her face was priceless.  We are cherishing every first.

She has been such a trooper this summer.  Sometimes I'm scared we pushed her a little too much because she seemed to be doing so well.  But she went to the pool almost every day for the boys swim and dive practice, went to the meets, went to the lake once already, went on the big Hansen North Carolina family reunion trip, goes to parties, etc.  She went from the most rigid scheduled out, never-changing, daily life to a life full of flexibility with every day being different because it's the summer.  I'm so glad she's had this amazing bonding time with her brothers this summer but I'm nervous about how she doesn't realize life is about to turn pretty inflexible and routine when the boys start elementary school, and even worse when I have to go back to work and she starts preschool.  Hopefully the routine will be good for her but I'm sure it will definitely take a little while getting used to after so much summer fun.

Unfortunately change does seem to effect her sleeping, which is very common in toddlers that have been thru trauma.  We never truly experienced night terrors with Grant, his habit was more like "crying out" in his sleep which would cease when I touched him.  Leena has been experiencing night terrors on a somewhat regular basis.  Let me tell you, until you witness one, you truly can't imagine it.  No matter how regular they are, they still break my heart every time.  I wonder what is going on in that brain, that subconscious- it feels like a peak into a whole side of her that is hurting so bad that she doesn't show us during the day.  The difference between nightmares and night terrors, is that you don't remember night terrors, so in the morning she wakes happy.  Her night terrors usually last 20-30 minutes in total, which is quite long.  They start suddenly with her screaming, her eyes open the majority of the time, many times she is screaming for "Mommy" but as is the case with night terrors, she doesn't want to be touched.  I can't describe the feeling of your child screaming for you in terror, just to swat and hit your hand away.  So, now we've learned to not engage and just make sure she stays safe during them.  Her arms fails, her legs kick, she sits up and stomps the wood floor which makes you cringe thinking she's hurting her heels.  She is filled with so much anger.  And all we can do is watch.  It reminds me of all that she's been through, how we just turned her life upside-down, how she was powerless in it all, how she isn't sure of what to expect tomorrow yet. 

On a lighter note, Auden and Grant adore Leena.  Simply love her.  I'm surprised how quickly it happened.  She charmed them shortly upon arrival with her silliness and now the biggest problem is competing for her attention and affection.  Grant is having a harder time because he wants to smother her in love and it's too much for her many times.  We are trying to teach him to let Leena come to him (like Auden does) and he will have much greater results.  It's hard, he's only 5, and he's instantly the middle child and being upstaged by a cute little 3 year old.  I've been spending a lot of energy and attention making sure Grant feels the love lately and knows how important he is to our family. 

Leena adores Daddy but unfortunately it is still in more of a playmate way instead of a caretaker way.  They have their great moments where he is allowed to feed her or she snuggles with him for a while but sometimes it's two steps forward and one step back.  So, I'm a little short on "Mommy time" these days and have put her to bed every night since the day of custody.  We are working on it, I know it's going to take time, but hopefully soon Daddy can put her to bed so I can go out to dinner with friends. 

I can't believe summer is coming to an end with the boys going back to school in less than 2 weeks.  It makes me tearful just thinking about it.  This summer was just awesome in so many ways.  Knowing it's my last maternity leave, the time has been so precious with all 3 of the kids.  I'm so lucky to work part-time, but nothing will compare to this summer when they were all mine without the stress of work looming behind the office door I currently have closed in the house.   

Leena in a nutshell right now:
- speaking in some phrases and doing "charades" when she's trying to tell you a story
- loves "stealing" what's important to people (their phones, boys' toys) and running away with them so you have to chase her
- very particular about the shoes she wears, just to take them off as soon as she gets in the car
- still hasn't worn socks yet and thinks they are funny in her drawer
- loves everything and anything chocolate (was actually sorta addicted to it from the elders always giving it to her everyday in India)
- obsessed with  anything Doc McStuffins
- still calls me "Auntie" 50% of the time because it's a hard habit to break.  She called all her caregivers "Auntie" all of her life.  Sometimes I get "Auntie Mommy", haha.
- loves saying "home!!!" when we pull onto our street
- loves taking showers and scrubbing herself with soap and shampoo a million times
- she tans very easily no matter how much sunscreen I put on her to the dismay of the orphanage "mother" that I still send pictures to via WhatsApp. 
- obsessed with any kind of lotion- body lotion or sunscreen- loves it all and I have to take it away from her or she'll reapply 10 times 
- always says aloud when we are all together- "mommy, daddy, Auden, Grant, Leena- FAMILY!"
- does NOT nap nor require much sleep for her age.  Her caretakers warned me but I didn't believe them.  She does get pretty delirious and hysterical around dinner time though.
- She has a set of lungs and knows how to use them.  Occasionally, when I least expect it, Leena will start screaming to try to get her way or what she wants.  I've never had a screamer before, so this is quite new and tricky for me.
- She is so snuggly!  She loves to be picked up and carried in the house and loves to snuggle while sleeping and in the morning. 

I can't believe how much life can change in a year.  We are still discovering the awesomeness that is Leena but we already know how lucky we are.  It is surreal that we've been entrusted to be the parents to two such amazingly awesome kids that were not born to us.  We are the privileged ones that got to make a choice.  The vast majority of the time in international adoption, due to circumstance, the birth mother has no choice when placing a child.  And it goes without saying the baby or toddler certainly has no say in what is about to happen to them.  So here we are, the white privileged adopted parents that could afford the choice of adoption to grow their family.  We don't take this privilege for granted.  We are blessed indeed.  We love you Leena. 

We have a daughter.

We have a daughter.  Let me say it again because it still doesn't feel real.  We have a daughter.  Nope, doesn't feel real yet. 

I'm not sure where to start or how long and drawn out I should make this post.  Considering this blog's main purpose is for our children to read one day and Cody and I to look back on- I guess I should start from the beginning. 

I'll start by saying our family of four is awesome.  We have a routine, most weeks are pretty fluid, the boys get along great 85% of the time.  Life is busy but in a good way.  Like any family considering adding another child to the mix, there is fear of change and wondering how we are going to mold and fit together as a family of five.  We didn't feel like anything was missing from our lives rather we just feel like we have more love to give.  More love to give to another child that needs a family.  Cody and I always pictured having 3 kids, so it was just a natural step we took when we saw Grant was adjusting well.   

Yep, the day we finished the last post-placement visit a year after Grant came home is when we started discussing our second adoption with our social worker.  So the new home study paperwork began in the late summer of 2015.  I didn't rush through it so it wasn't until January 2016 when our home study was approved.  We started out trying the domestic adoption route again as I did not think I could handle being at the mercy of another foreign country again.  Weeks went by with our profile on a reputable adoption website and the phone only rang with scam calls (unlike the last time we tried it) and things didn't feel right.  It was at that time that our social worker kept putting a little bug in our ear that the country of India just completely revamped their adoption program and there were hundreds of kids (mostly girls) waiting for families and the program was now moving really fast (as far as international adoption goes).  I tried to block her out but Cody was really listening.  I thought domestic adoption was for us this time but after a few months, my eyes were finally opened to what her and Cody saw. 

The Indian program met all our criteria- our gender preference was a girl because we have two amazing boys already.  I'm a boy mom through and through so I'm a little terrified at the thought of putting bows in hair and worrying about more than one shoe choice in the morning.  But I'm ready for the challenge:)  We also wanted a girl that was non-white because another white child would just make Grant more conscious of the fact that he was the different one in our family.  We think Grant and our daughter will feel more comfortable because they share the commonality of both "not matching" us, their parents.  Then that leads us to what race would fit into our family which is really looking at a picture of our bigger environment and community.  We chose our town in large part due to the decent sized Asian population.  It was always important to us that if Grant can't see a reflection of himself at home- he needs to see it at school, in stores, his doctors, etc.  We want the same for our daughter so that meant Asian, Indian, or Hispanic descent which are the highest percentages of non-whites that live in our community.  These minority groups make up our friends, our neighbors and our kids' classmates. 

One of the questions that people always ask us about adoption is about how we chose what country we wanted to adopt from.  This is a tricky question.  Cody and I have settled on explaining that many times the program choses you.  For example, most South American adoptions are for a child over the age of 5 and you have to stay in the country for two months.  That obviously would not be a good fit for our family even though Cody's heritage is, in part, Chilean.  So you have to weigh the program on many factors- length of wait, how long of an in-country stay, care the child is receiving, how strong of program/risk of closing, costs, etc.  South Korean didn't make sense this time because they still have very long wait to travel times, now require two trips and the first of which is the court appearance and nothing is a sure thing until you pass court.  Lastly, it is nearly impossible to get matched with a girl and you cannot request female gender any longer. 

So, then there is the India program.  In late 2015 they changed the laws to allow most orphanages in the entire country to be able to complete international adoptions instead of just a few orphanages.  This allowed for hundreds of eligible kids to be added to a national database and process times to reduce substantially.  Right now it is considered one of the fastest international adoption programs, if not the fastest.  It made sense with our family because we have close friends/neighbors/co-workers that are Indian, the majority of the children in need are girls, and the program requires only one trip that is two weeks long and that is after the court already declares the child legally yours. 

So, in the Spring of 2016 we changed our home study from domestic to international and entered the India Program.  We were ready, I was ready to take on another foreign government.  We knew toddler adoption and were pretty relieved to finally get rid of baby stuff once and for all.  I completed more paperwork than I thought was humanly possible as India is a part of the Hague Convention which requires a lot more paperwork than Korea did.  Everything not only had to be notarized, but also authenticated with the state, which requires an "apostille" for every document.  I had to re-do that step multiple times as Virginia is tough when it comes to apostilling documents.  Frankly, I never want to hear the word again.

Fast forward to July 1, 2016 and we were officially approved by the Indian government to be matched with and adopt a child.  Merely a month later in late August we accepted the match of our little girl.  When we were reviewing her file we got three videos of this little adorable 2 year old following all these multi-step directions to obviously show us what a smarty pants she was- and she was indeed!  She was located in a small orphanage in a town called Hassan in the state of Karnataka which is in southwest India (near Bangalore). 

A couple steps later, our case was submitted to the local district Court in January of 2017.  Our case was slow to get registered for Court as we found out we were the orphanage's first international adoption so their attorney needed a bit of help from our agency with the court petition.  It was at that time that we thought it would be a good idea if Cody flew to India for a short visit to meet her, see the orphanage, caregivers and have them put a face to our name.  Unlike Korea, since the kids are in orphanages (not foster homes like Grant) they really can't provide or promise updates on your child, or additional pictures or videos (as they are too busy caring for all the children).  So Cody's visit was invaluable.

He found out our daughter's "orphanage" is really just called a nursery of 12 kids that is located in a gated community for the elderly.  It's simple, clean, the staff is loving and food is plentiful.  She was shy and scared towards him which was expected since she's been looking at a photo album of us for several months and they've been telling her about us.  But she has fun with the other kids there and Cody had a great time playing with them all.  They loved his attention and little toys he brought.  He made a connection with a manager who is a younger lady who had the best English and she has been able to send us pictures and videos the last several months thru WhatsApp which was a dream come true.  Now I am texting with her and she is helping me learn words in the local language of Kannada that our daughter speaks so I can understand the basics of what she is saying- food, hungry, toilet, water, etc.  Cody has so many crazy stories from the trip, hopefully he can write them down like he planned. 

After Cody returned we were ready to tell the boys they were going to have a little sister and share the news with the rest of our family and friends.  We tried to really keep this process to ourselves this time because it was just easier not talking about it (it's hard getting questions that you have no answers to).  Fast forward through a few Court hearings that kept us on a rollercoaster ride for 2.5 months.  We passed Court and the Judge finished the written orders declaring Leena our daughter on her 3rd birthday, April 25, 2017.  Thankfully, it was right before the Court went on a month vacation.  Since that time, it took about a week before the orphanage actually received the orders, then another week to get an Indian birth certificate which actually has our names on it as her parents!  The past two weeks the orphanage has been trying to apply for her passport online but power outages, internet down, and some computer illiteracy has been getting in the way.  This is the last step.  When her passport is finished, we can then travel to go get her.  It is a crazy form of torture knowing that we have a daughter on the other side of the world right now and an online passport application is standing in our way currently.

We feel quite helpless right now but we know the staff at the orphanage is trying so hard.  It's difficult being the first international adoption for her orphanage because we are the guinea pigs and we watch families in major cities like Mumbai get a passport in 7 days consistently.  But, she is our daughter and we will wait as patiently as possible.  In the meantime we know she is happy and that is most important right now. 

Her big brothers are so excited to have her come home, her room is all ready, pictures of her are around the house and the suitcases are starting to get packed.  We are ready to start this adventure as a family of five.  We know it is going to be hard as we've been through it before.  We know this little girl is going to go through terrible loss leaving the only place she's ever known and the people and children there.  We know life is not fair for some the moment they are born and we are her Plan B.  But just like with Grant, we promise to be the best parents we can and fill her life with happiness, laughter and SO much love.

Our beautiful Leena!

  

Proud big brothers

Leena's Room

Daddy built her a new closet where the crawl space was.  She now has the only walk-in closet in the house.  Mommy is so jealous of her huge closet!  We are so lucky to have such generous friends that have completely filled her closet with gently used clothes from their daughters.