I'm not sure where to start or how long and drawn out I should make this post. Considering this blog's main purpose is for our children to read one day and Cody and I to look back on- I guess I should start from the beginning.
I'll start by saying our family of four is awesome. We have a routine, most weeks are pretty fluid, the boys get along great 85% of the time. Life is busy but in a good way. Like any family considering adding another child to the mix, there is fear of change and wondering how we are going to mold and fit together as a family of five. We didn't feel like anything was missing from our lives rather we just feel like we have more love to give. More love to give to another child that needs a family. Cody and I always pictured having 3 kids, so it was just a natural step we took when we saw Grant was adjusting well.
Yep, the day we finished the last post-placement visit a year after Grant came home is when we started discussing our second adoption with our social worker. So the new home study paperwork began in the late summer of 2015. I didn't rush through it so it wasn't until January 2016 when our home study was approved. We started out trying the domestic adoption route again as I did not think I could handle being at the mercy of another foreign country again. Weeks went by with our profile on a reputable adoption website and the phone only rang with scam calls (unlike the last time we tried it) and things didn't feel right. It was at that time that our social worker kept putting a little bug in our ear that the country of India just completely revamped their adoption program and there were hundreds of kids (mostly girls) waiting for families and the program was now moving really fast (as far as international adoption goes). I tried to block her out but Cody was really listening. I thought domestic adoption was for us this time but after a few months, my eyes were finally opened to what her and Cody saw.
The Indian program met all our criteria- our gender preference was a girl because we have two amazing boys already. I'm a boy mom through and through so I'm a little terrified at the thought of putting bows in hair and worrying about more than one shoe choice in the morning. But I'm ready for the challenge:) We also wanted a girl that was non-white because another white child would just make Grant more conscious of the fact that he was the different one in our family. We think Grant and our daughter will feel more comfortable because they share the commonality of both "not matching" us, their parents. Then that leads us to what race would fit into our family which is really looking at a picture of our bigger environment and community. We chose our town in large part due to the decent sized Asian population. It was always important to us that if Grant can't see a reflection of himself at home- he needs to see it at school, in stores, his doctors, etc. We want the same for our daughter so that meant Asian, Indian, or Hispanic descent which are the highest percentages of non-whites that live in our community. These minority groups make up our friends, our neighbors and our kids' classmates.
One of the questions that people always ask us about adoption is about how we chose what country we wanted to adopt from. This is a tricky question. Cody and I have settled on explaining that many times the program choses you. For example, most South American adoptions are for a child over the age of 5 and you have to stay in the country for two months. That obviously would not be a good fit for our family even though Cody's heritage is, in part, Chilean. So you have to weigh the program on many factors- length of wait, how long of an in-country stay, care the child is receiving, how strong of program/risk of closing, costs, etc. South Korean didn't make sense this time because they still have very long wait to travel times, now require two trips and the first of which is the court appearance and nothing is a sure thing until you pass court. Lastly, it is nearly impossible to get matched with a girl and you cannot request female gender any longer.
So, then there is the India program. In late 2015 they changed the laws to allow most orphanages in the entire country to be able to complete international adoptions instead of just a few orphanages. This allowed for hundreds of eligible kids to be added to a national database and process times to reduce substantially. Right now it is considered one of the fastest international adoption programs, if not the fastest. It made sense with our family because we have close friends/neighbors/co-workers that are Indian, the majority of the children in need are girls, and the program requires only one trip that is two weeks long and that is after the court already declares the child legally yours.
So, in the Spring of 2016 we changed our home study from domestic to international and entered the India Program. We were ready, I was ready to take on another foreign government. We knew toddler adoption and were pretty relieved to finally get rid of baby stuff once and for all. I completed more paperwork than I thought was humanly possible as India is a part of the Hague Convention which requires a lot more paperwork than Korea did. Everything not only had to be notarized, but also authenticated with the state, which requires an "apostille" for every document. I had to re-do that step multiple times as Virginia is tough when it comes to apostilling documents. Frankly, I never want to hear the word again.
Fast forward to July 1, 2016 and we were officially approved by the Indian government to be matched with and adopt a child. Merely a month later in late August we accepted the match of our little girl. When we were reviewing her file we got three videos of this little adorable 2 year old following all these multi-step directions to obviously show us what a smarty pants she was- and she was indeed! She was located in a small orphanage in a town called Hassan in the state of Karnataka which is in southwest India (near Bangalore).
A couple steps later, our case was submitted to the local district Court in January of 2017. Our case was slow to get registered for Court as we found out we were the orphanage's first international adoption so their attorney needed a bit of help from our agency with the court petition. It was at that time that we thought it would be a good idea if Cody flew to India for a short visit to meet her, see the orphanage, caregivers and have them put a face to our name. Unlike Korea, since the kids are in orphanages (not foster homes like Grant) they really can't provide or promise updates on your child, or additional pictures or videos (as they are too busy caring for all the children). So Cody's visit was invaluable.
He found out our daughter's "orphanage" is really just called a nursery of 12 kids that is located in a gated community for the elderly. It's simple, clean, the staff is loving and food is plentiful. She was shy and scared towards him which was expected since she's been looking at a photo album of us for several months and they've been telling her about us. But she has fun with the other kids there and Cody had a great time playing with them all. They loved his attention and little toys he brought. He made a connection with a manager who is a younger lady who had the best English and she has been able to send us pictures and videos the last several months thru WhatsApp which was a dream come true. Now I am texting with her and she is helping me learn words in the local language of Kannada that our daughter speaks so I can understand the basics of what she is saying- food, hungry, toilet, water, etc. Cody has so many crazy stories from the trip, hopefully he can write them down like he planned.
After Cody returned we were ready to tell the boys they were going to have a little sister and share the news with the rest of our family and friends. We tried to really keep this process to ourselves this time because it was just easier not talking about it (it's hard getting questions that you have no answers to). Fast forward through a few Court hearings that kept us on a rollercoaster ride for 2.5 months. We passed Court and the Judge finished the written orders declaring Leena our daughter on her 3rd birthday, April 25, 2017. Thankfully, it was right before the Court went on a month vacation. Since that time, it took about a week before the orphanage actually received the orders, then another week to get an Indian birth certificate which actually has our names on it as her parents! The past two weeks the orphanage has been trying to apply for her passport online but power outages, internet down, and some computer illiteracy has been getting in the way. This is the last step. When her passport is finished, we can then travel to go get her. It is a crazy form of torture knowing that we have a daughter on the other side of the world right now and an online passport application is standing in our way currently.
We feel quite helpless right now but we know the staff at the orphanage is trying so hard. It's difficult being the first international adoption for her orphanage because we are the guinea pigs and we watch families in major cities like Mumbai get a passport in 7 days consistently. But, she is our daughter and we will wait as patiently as possible. In the meantime we know she is happy and that is most important right now.
Her big brothers are so excited to have her come home, her room is all ready, pictures of her are around the house and the suitcases are starting to get packed. We are ready to start this adventure as a family of five. We know it is going to be hard as we've been through it before. We know this little girl is going to go through terrible loss leaving the only place she's ever known and the people and children there. We know life is not fair for some the moment they are born and we are her Plan B. But just like with Grant, we promise to be the best parents we can and fill her life with happiness, laughter and SO much love.
Our beautiful Leena!
Proud big brothers
Leena's Room
Daddy built her a new closet where the crawl space was. She now has the only walk-in closet in the house. Mommy is so jealous of her huge closet! We are so lucky to have such generous friends that have completely filled her closet with gently used clothes from their daughters.
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