So Close, Yet So Far Away

You'd think we would have learned by now that anything can happen when you are trying to adopt a child.  I mean, over the last 3 years we have been through more bumps in the road than I can count.  But never in a million years could I have predicted what happened last week.  I turned on the local news to hear that a Maryland man was arrested for the death of his child that was newly adopted from South Korea.  My first reaction was one of being terrified to think how this innocent little boy could have suffered so badly.  My second reaction was outrage at this man for how he could have gone through so much to adopt this child- pull this child out of his country, his culture, his loving foster family that raised him for the first 3 years of his life- and ultimately commit this kind of brutality.  It is just so unfathomable.  And yes, I'm fully aware that I'm basically convicting this man before he even goes to trial but the evidence is so damning  and his story is so weak (that it was an accident) that I just can't help myself.

So, as you probably figured, my third reaction from hearing this news story was a selfish one.  What does this mean for us?   What is Korea going to do with this news?  Will they freeze the program for months until they figure out how to respond?  Will they wait until the case goes to trial?  Could they close the program all together over this?  So many question and no answers.  The news story just hit the Korean Times on Friday morning so nobody knows what's going to happen.  The agencies predict they will do something but we just don't know how "big" that something could be.  Maybe adding psychological evaluations to the process, maybe scrutinizing military families more for PTSD (the man was a decorated combat war veteran), maybe adding more requirements to the already long post-placement process.  We just don't know.  

I completely understand that the Korean government wouldn't want to let this go without doing anything but as of right now, it sounds like there was no red flags with this family and there was nothing in this man's background that could have predicted this.  This man was a decorated war veteran and currently a top government official, he is head of the NSA Korea division.  To be able to adopt from Korea you have to have a squeaky clean record.  Every year for our home study update we have to get child abuse clearances, FBI clearances, local police clearances and driving record clearances.  And with the new Court process Korea has gotten even stricter with offenses that can be in your criminal background.  For example, a family in our agency was thrown out of the program last year after waiting 15 months for a girl match because the Court would not allow the husband's possession of marijuana charge from when he was 18 yrs old.  All I'm trying to say is that Korea is one of the stricter countries to adopt from already and there were no red flags with this family, so I'm just not sure what else Korea can require of us. 

I'm so sad in so many ways.  This little boy deserved a beautiful life and a beautiful family who cherished him forever.  I'm sad for all the people in Korea who loved him and entrusted him to this family.  I'm sad for all the orphans waiting, including Grant, who could potentially have their lives effected by this evil.  I really hope it doesn't mean they have to wait many more months to be united with their families.  What's been getting me through the last several months of this wait are dreams of the summer- afternoons taking the boys to the pool, showing Grant Keuka Lake for the first time, lazy days filled with sidewalk chalk, freeze pops and playing in the backyard.  The beginning of last week these dreams felt so close to reality and now they feel so far away.  

Happy 4th Birthday Auden!

 Last weekend we had a great time celebrating Auden's 4th Birthday!  We had all the grandparents and my brother Chris' family in town.  Which included Auden's favorite little person- his cousin Reegan.  They had a great time running around the house and playing in Auden's secret hideout in the basement.  We had Auden's party the Saturday before his birthday at The Little Gym.  He's been to two birthday parties there in the past and had the best time so he was VERY excited to have his own party there.  We invited all his classmates, some family friends and neighbors- it was a full house!  Auden chose the theme- monster trucks!  That was easy enough because there are a lot of monster jam party supplies out there.  I found an awesome monster truck shirt on Etsy that I had personalized with his age and name.  And last but not least we had a photo cake made with a picture of him on the a big rock crawler truck we saw at the Jeep Jamboree last fall.  All the kids had a great time, especially the birthday boy!

 

 

The picture for the cake wasn't that great of quality becuse of the poor lighting in the woods.  Here is the picture we gave them and you can kinda see how it turned out on the cake.  Auden loved it, that's all the mattered.  

May all your dreams come true my sweet Auden!

4TH BIRTHDAY INTERVIEW

I've read about something fun to do on a child's birthday every year.  The game is to ask them a list of questions that tell you about what they like at that particlar age.  Thought I'd give it a try because it may be fun to look back one day. 

So, I "interviewed" Auden and he quickly gave me these answers in rapid succession- so he's very sure of himself!

1) What is your favorite toy?  Monster Trucks

2) What is your favorite food?  Pizza

3) What is your favorite thing to do/play outside? Play on the trampoline

4) What is your favorite TV show? Dinosaur Train

5) What is your favorite color? Yellow

6) Who is your best friend? Chase, Jai & Vivaan (all from Preschool)

7) What do you want to be when you grow up? Pilot

ROUGH START TO FOUR......

It wouldn't be right to discuss Auden's birthday without sharing what happened the day after his birthday.  It was the first time the DC area got a foot of snow since the week Auden was born in 2010.  It was 9:30am and we didn't even start digging out yet but Auden was invited into a neighbor's house to play.  I don't think he was there more than 15 minutes when we got a phone call that he tripped and fell in their house and cut his face near his lip (on the coffee table).  Before we knew it we were forging the unplowed neighborhood in the Jeep to get Auden to the E.R.  During the ride to the hospital, the bleeding was minimal but unfortunately it was a puncture wound.  It looked like a hole that went completely through to the inside of his cheek so it was pretty clear stitches were in order.  The Jeep did great and the only other vehicles on the road were the plow trucks so it was a pretty easy ride to the hospital.  Auden was calm by this point and was actually enjoying looking at trucks on the road.  

It was quite surreal that he was so calm with a hole in his face but of course he didn't understand what really had happened.  I was calm because the bleeding was controlled so it wasn't a scary situation, I just held the paper towel tightly to his cheek and we talked the whole time.  And let's be honest, we've watched this kid turn blue in the NICU, we sat by him for a blood transfusion, and we've been through two ambulance rides during SVT heart episodes.  A little blood and stitches almost seemed like a peace of cake in comparison to his first year of life.  The pediatric E.R. we went to was great.  No needles, no further pain for him.  They numbed it with a cotton ball for 30 mins then he sniffed a relaxation medication through his nose.  Then he was all silly and calm so we could wrap him up like a mummy in a sheet.  About 6-7 stitches later and he was all done- but still very silly from the meds.  He couldn't walk for about an hour and kept asking the same questions over and over:-)  The stitches really haven't bothered him at all and he has taken it all in stride.  He's our tough and brave boy- always has been.  Let's just hope he doesn't make this a habit and we don't always have to rush to the hospital when there is a foot or more of snow outside!  

Still cute as ever...

                            

 





Court Submission!

What a start to an awesome weekend ahead!  We were at Whitetail ski resort yesterday with Cody's parents to kick off Auden's birthday weekend when we got the email that our file has been submitted to the Korean family Court!  It's amazing to think that our case is finally sitting on a judge's desk- the last step before we travel.   We should be notified in about a month from now of our Court date.  Unfortunately due to personnel changes at the Court lately families have been waiting longer for dates than usual and those dates have been further out than we typically see.   So we need all the thoughts and prayers possible to hope we can get to Korea by Easter, which is Grant's 2nd birthday on April 20th.  That is this Momma's dream!  

Someone in my adoption Facebook group was nice enough to share a flow chart she made for her family of the final steps of the process.  Right now we are on step #4.   Next up, court date and buying plane tickets!

 

Happy Seollal (Lunar New Year)!

This past weekend we got to celebrate the Lunar New Year with all my local adoption friends because my friend Ronda had her annual party.  There were four Korean cuties that all came home a few months ago.  Cody and I loved seeing these little guys home and doing so well with their new families, it helps ease our minds that Grant will thrive as well.  Little Henry looked adorable in his traditional Korean outfit (hanbok).  All the boys were so cute and Auden played well with them, for the most part:-) 

On Sunday while I had a baby shower to attend, Cody took Auden to Liberty ski mountain again.  He thought it would be a good time to go since it was Super Bowl Sunday.  Cody got Auden used ski gear for an early birthday present and Auden was really excited to try it out.  Judging by the videos and Cody's report, it looks like Auden is starting to get the basics and becoming comfortable on skis.  Cody took this cool picture below before they left the mountain:-)   

 


Cross your fingers and say a prayer that we hear news of Grant's file being submitted to the Court this week!  That's the last step before we get a court date and can buy our plane tickets!!!

EP Approval!!!

On Friday, Cody and I just got to NYC for a weekend of fun with friends when we received the call that Grant's emmigration permit was approved by the Korean government!  It was such a wonderful surprise as typically approvals can take up to 60 days and Grant's was approved in 37 days!  It made for an even better weekend:-)

So what's next?

1) In less than two weeks we should be hearing that our file has been submitted to the family Court
2) About 30-45 days after court submission we will get news of our official court date!  Time to buy plane tickets!!!! 

Sometime in April is still the estimation for traveling!  It's beginning to feel REALLY real.  I need to start buying gifts for Grant's foster family ASAP:-) 


Below is a picture of Grant's February care package (#13) that another family from my agency is taking over for me.  We sent him a toy camera that has a LCD screen and loaded it up with short videos and pictures of us.  We are hoping he can play with it a lot and get to really know our voices, faces and house before we get there:-)  We also sent him a cute little bear with chocolates for Valentine's Day that Auden picked out as well as some toy airplanes and an outfit.  I'm trying to subliminally make him love airplanes.    

 

In other news Grant's room is completely finished and waiting for him!  I will post pictures of it soon!

Care package #12

I found another family in my agency to take Grant's January care package:-)  They just arrived in Seoul two days ago so he should have it in time for his well visit on the 20th.  The mother is going to be in the agency building that day and said she was going to do her best to look for Grant.  This is her fourth adoption so she knows the building very well and graciously told me she'd do some snooping around where the foster moms and kiddos usually wait before their check-ups.  I don't even care if she's able to snap a picture if she sees him, just to say hello to him and tell us what he is like in person would be so awesome.  

This month I packaged a cool photo cube that I found.  I put six recent pictures of us in it for Grant to look at and play with.  I also included some Korean children's books that Auden's school gave me when they were purging their old books.  I love that there are enough Korean kids that go to Auden's preschool that they actually had Korean books in their library:-)  Auden also helped me go through his toys and select ones he'd like to send to Grant because he doesn't play with them any longer.  It was great having him help this time instead of doing it sneakily behind his back, haha.  

At the end of last month we got update pictures of Grant in the winter jacket we sent in November!  He is also wearing the sneakers we sent him the month prior.  I love it so much when we can see him wearing the things we sent, especially his big brother's items as it makes him feel apart of our family already.

Since I figured out how to do silly graphics on his face to protect his identity, I thought I would share the cute picture we got:-)    

New year....new work schedule!

With the start of 2014 came another blessing that we have been hoping for.  My agency finally expanded their part-time program (work from home) and I found out I was accepted into it at the end of last year.  There was only 12 people in the program for the last 5 years.  Over the last two years I have been regularly speaking to the administration and our union president about my desire to enter the program.  It actually came to fruition at the end of last year as I applied to one of four slots and got in.

Cody and I had planned for me to cut my work hours after Grant is home because the last thing I wanted to do was put him in full-time daycare after missing the first 2 years of his life.  I would have had the option to go back to my Office in Alexandria to work part-time hours instead of working from home.  But that didn't make too much sense once you factor in the 35 min. commute, the cost of the parking garage and time spent of me having to actually get ready in the morning.  So I've been waiting for them to expand this part-time work from home program and the timing couldn't have been better.

So what's my new schedule?  I was approved for Fridays off the first quarter of this year (32 hrs/week) and then starting on April 1st I will have Mondays and Fridays off (25 hrs/week) which is the schedule I will keep permanently after maternity leave.  We know we are so very blessed to be able to afford me working only 3 days a week.  I know that is a luxury that many families do not have.  We had these plans when we were house hunting 1.5 yrs ago so we made sure to not by a house with a mortgage that couldn't accommodate my part-time schedule.  I am so thankful we had the foresight to do this.

Since Cody works a flex schedule where he is off every other Friday we decided to have some fun on the first Friday we both had off and went to a ski mountain.  We went to Liberty Resort which is just over the Maryland border into Pennsylvania.  Because we were there on a Friday it was pretty empty and it felt like we had the whole mountain to ourselves, perfect for Auden's first skiing experience.

 

  


Getting geared up!

Cody was anxious to use his teaching skills from when he taught kids how to ski in college at Tussey Moutain.  As predicted, Auden couldn't have cared less about learning how to stop, he just wanted to ride the big chair lift and go down the mountain fast with Daddy.  So, we chalked the day up to just exposing him to it and getting comfortable wearing skis and had a great time.  Cody got the work out of his life holding Auden in between  his legs (under Auden's armpits) and doing run after run down the big slope.  Auden had a blast riding the chairlift, watching the snowboarders do tricks underneath us and going super fast with Daddy down the mountain.  Mommy had fun brushing up her skills (intermediate at best) and loved that there was hardly anyone there.

Alright forget the bunny hill, let's go to the chair lift!  We tried to explain to Auden on the lift how lucky he is to have two parents that chose to work for the government instead of at big law firms.  We may not have (nearly) as much money choosing this path but we have opportunities to both be off on Fridays and be on a ski mountain instead of working!  He didn't understand....but hopefully one day he will:-)

It was an awesome day with lots of great memories made.  Cody is hoping to take him a few more times this winter and we are already excited for next winter when we can put Auden in ski school and it will be Grant's turn to fly down the mountain with Daddy:-)