On Friday afternoon, exactly 2 weeks after we put our profile up on parentprofiles.com we received our first call from a birth mother. It was good timing since I got an early dismissal from work for the holiday weekend and didn't have to pick up Auden for another 1.5 hours from school. Little did I know I would be talking to this birth mom for the entire 1.5 hours.
One of the first words out of her mouth was...."you need to know- it's identical twins." My heart skipped a beat as the practical side of my brain tried to calm down since this was starting to sound like a scam, after all, most adoptive parents dream is to have twins so they don't have to go through the adoption process again. But she continued to tell me her life story, I couldn't believe how open she was. The adoption attorney said this is how it would be with real birth moms- they would be open books. So, I listened to her and asked a question every so often. As with most birth moms, she has had a rough life. She is my age has been through more than I could ever dream of. However, she has a decent job as an LPN and is very concerned about the health of these babies. She even said she would want us to be infant CPR certified before we left the hospital with them (which we already are from Auden's NICU time).
The situation is not perfect, far from it. There is so much to consider and Cody and I's brains have been hurting this weekend just thinking about it. First of all, even though we have always wanted three children- can we handle twins? can we afford twins? Secondly, this is a very high risk pregnancy and we are mostly likely looking at NICU time again. This woman already has twins (fraternal) from a previous marriage that came at 34.5 weeks. They put in a cerclage (stitched cervix up) a few weeks ago but they are in no way full proof from keeping her from going early. So, Cody and I are trying to wrap our heads around logistically how we can deal with twins in a NICU near Boston while we have Auden. It seems impossible for more than 2-3 weeks. We decided it was best to be 100% honest with her and explain this. I spoke to her for a long time again on Saturday and she seems to still want to pursue a relationship with us and is interested in meeting us. She even mentioned perhaps coming to VA to have the babies so they are at our NICU. This sounds great in a perfect world but usually there is not enough notice to travel such a distance before delivery, let alone with preemies. Now, whether or not we bring her down her around week 30 and put her up in a hotel until she goes into delivery is another matter that we could consider.
She is 20 weeks pregnant right now, her due date is Feb 9th. If she goes at 34 weeks, everyone's goal, that puts us around the 3rd week of December. So, Christmas in the NICU is a strong possibility.
So, when we talked again yesterday she agreed to us coming to Massachusetts for her ultrasound in 3 weeks. It is a two hour long ultrasound to confirm the babies hearts are okay since the birth mom herself has a heart defect. It is very nice to know that she is being monitored so closely with high risk doctors. Many times birth mothers have no prenatal care whatsoever. She even said that we if wanted to know the babies gender we could find out as long as she has her headphones in and can't hear (she really doesn't want to know anything about the babies other than they are healthy).
So, that is where we are right now. Proceeding cautiously, trying to figure out if this is a good match. I'm trying very hard not to get too emotionally invested in the situation despite having spoken to this woman for hours and hours the last three days. Because after all, the chances of the first birth mom that calls you actually working out is very slim. And this is high risk pregnancy situation that we may not even be able to handle. Or the birth mother could find another couple that is comfortable with micro-preemies and a long NICU stay that she thinks is a better fit than us. Honestly, anything could happen at this point.
Thoughts and prayers for this birth mom are appreciated, she is literally putting her life on the line carrying these babies due to her heart condition. And thoughts and prayers for these babies that they can stay in as long as possible, regardless of whether we get to be their mommy and daddy.
No comments:
Post a Comment